He woke up to the sound of shuffling feet. Where am I? His eyes adjusted to the bright lights in the room. Oh, now I remember. To think that I had forgotten. No matter, I must get myself out of bed like the rest. Just then, Adrian stooped down in front of his face from the upper bunk, and gave him a cheerful “g’morning.” He has always been the buoyant type, hasn’t he? I suppose people like Adrian are more likely to survive in situations like these.
He managed to speak in the midst of his fatigue. “Where is the commander now? I must speak with him.”
“He must be with the general now. Perhaps you should go later.” And with the sound of a loud bell, or siren, or whatever one may call it, everyone’s pace hastened.
Hundreds, no thousands of people, lined up and saluted the commander in chief. Given their orders, they have begun dispersing. His troop members have also begun procuring their guns as the heavy clanking of weaponry filled the room.
“Where are we headed today chief?”
“We’ve been assigned to patrol near a small town west of Kabul.” The chief had always been admirable to him, a strong man who seemed to always know what he was doing despite the chaos.
This is not the time for me to falter. I must focus all the nerves in my body to keep alive. He felt the muscles at the back of his neck stiffen as they loaded the truck and set off. The roads were unstable and he felt every bump along the ground. They had driven less than an hour when he was thrown out of the truck in a violent whirl. What had happened? He quickly realized what had happened, but hoped that he had been wrong. He dragged his limp body over to the truck, now apparently in rubble.
“Is everyone all right?” The chief’s voice rang in his head in the most aggravating way.
He felt his complex turn pale. He had seen David’s body still pinned to the side of the truck. He felt his composure break down as he dragged his blood stained leg over to the wreckage. The other troop members stooped low to lend a hand, as their ragged uniforms brushed against his face.
"Someone call the medics!"
The sound of another truck neared and he saw the medics dismount their vans. He then felt himself lifted as he swayed back and forth to the movement of their steps. All sounds aside from his own breathing had been died out as if smothered.
He awoke again to the clamor that seemed to fill the hospital room. Even before I had opened my eyes I knew, I knew why everyone had been crowding around the bed next to mine. When will my time be? When people live for a long time in a place where the value of life is low their senses start to become keener and they become simple. He shivered and all the pores of his body closed, so as to keep his life from running away.
Alice: Great job! I think you really got the concept of stream of consciousness writing. At first I was a little bit confused because I thought there was another character, referring to the protagonist but then it was himself. The story is really deep. I don't know what other word to use like it looks deep as "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall" we read in class. It is very realistic and it is very emotional. The story is very descriptive and I feel like I can picture this happening. One thing to point out is that the writing is a little bit confusing. In the beginning, I did have some difficulties understanding the protagonist and the situation but other than that great job! :)
Cindy: Hey Priscilla! I think you did a well job with your stream of consciousness writing. Some parts were a bit confusing to me as well because of the way you put the characters but then I got everything in the end. I like the depth of your story since it's nothing like anything I read in the past. Your writing conveys emotion which is hard to portray in a short story but it seems like you hit the spot. Just like Alice said, the protagonist was a bit confusing with the situation but other than that I really liked your story. :)
He managed to speak in the midst of his fatigue. “Where is the commander now? I must speak with him.”
“He must be with the general now. Perhaps you should go later.” And with the sound of a loud bell, or siren, or whatever one may call it, everyone’s pace hastened.
Hundreds, no thousands of people, lined up and saluted the commander in chief. Given their orders, they have begun dispersing. His troop members have also begun procuring their guns as the heavy clanking of weaponry filled the room.
“Where are we headed today chief?”
“We’ve been assigned to patrol near a small town west of Kabul.” The chief had always been admirable to him, a strong man who seemed to always know what he was doing despite the chaos.
This is not the time for me to falter. I must focus all the nerves in my body to keep alive. He felt the muscles at the back of his neck stiffen as they loaded the truck and set off. The roads were unstable and he felt every bump along the ground. They had driven less than an hour when he was thrown out of the truck in a violent whirl. What had happened? He quickly realized what had happened, but hoped that he had been wrong. He dragged his limp body over to the truck, now apparently in rubble.
“Is everyone all right?” The chief’s voice rang in his head in the most aggravating way.
He felt his complex turn pale. He had seen David’s body still pinned to the side of the truck. He felt his composure break down as he dragged his blood stained leg over to the wreckage. The other troop members stooped low to lend a hand, as their ragged uniforms brushed against his face.
"Someone call the medics!"
The sound of another truck neared and he saw the medics dismount their vans. He then felt himself lifted as he swayed back and forth to the movement of their steps. All sounds aside from his own breathing had been died out as if smothered.
He awoke again to the clamor that seemed to fill the hospital room. Even before I had opened my eyes I knew, I knew why everyone had been crowding around the bed next to mine. When will my time be? When people live for a long time in a place where the value of life is low their senses start to become keener and they become simple. He shivered and all the pores of his body closed, so as to keep his life from running away.
Alice: Great job! I think you really got the concept of stream of consciousness writing. At first I was a little bit confused because I thought there was another character, referring to the protagonist but then it was himself. The story is really deep. I don't know what other word to use like it looks deep as "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall" we read in class. It is very realistic and it is very emotional. The story is very descriptive and I feel like I can picture this happening. One thing to point out is that the writing is a little bit confusing. In the beginning, I did have some difficulties understanding the protagonist and the situation but other than that great job! :)
Cindy: Hey Priscilla! I think you did a well job with your stream of consciousness writing. Some parts were a bit confusing to me as well because of the way you put the characters but then I got everything in the end. I like the depth of your story since it's nothing like anything I read in the past. Your writing conveys emotion which is hard to portray in a short story but it seems like you hit the spot. Just like Alice said, the protagonist was a bit confusing with the situation but other than that I really liked your story. :)